Sanctuary

                                                                   Sanctuary
There are moments I know the immensity of my emotion will overflow the weak vessel that is me, like a pot boiling over, compression about to burst. Like the cigarette in my hand, it will slowly burn me up and spill the ashes to the floor. It feels alive in me, raging and rolling, pushing and straining, begging to be let free. A sea shaded in reds, blues, black and white never together but always their own. Soul, spirit, life, the decision of words is the individual’s. I have never found the proper words for it. All my words seem forced, I seem forced.

I long for what I do not know, and what I do. Times past, I was glad to see them fade and now long to experience them again. Who I was is but a shadow on the moon, always present but forever out of reach, who I am is dew in the early morning of spring, beautiful, cold and smothering.

I have shattered myself with choices. I see beauty in so few. Can love mean so much and so little? My body is like thin paper endeavoring to hold back the tide. How worthless my flesh seems when I feel the crux inside me trying to step out. I am young and always fighting, he is haggard and steadfast. Thought is my solace and my knife. In the words of my mind I take my sanctuary as within a lovers embrace. I clasp them before me, a shining white shield. I stand tall and majestic. Everything around me is marred with anger, longing and regret but my words are my own.

I long for the passion of a minds embrace. A minds embrace; someone to share my words. My words form my entity, my entirety. I am isolated with those who the world would say know me. No one shares my mind; no one has seen the raging sea inside me. How great is my desire to be known, how simple a thing it seems. I have no plan to survive without someone understanding my essence, my core. What it must be like to die truly unknown.